Nowadays after school education is a matter of debates. Some people claim that every student should be educated at university, while others argue that it is not important. In this essay I am going to discuss this issue and state my opinion.
In my view, university education is essential for young people. To begin with, higher education obviously helps to make the future career and the better life with all benefits. What is more, universities are used to socialise students who meet different people, such as professionals in diverse subjects and foreigners, there.
However, some people believe that one’s life can be good enough without higher education. The opponents’ main argument in favour is that a person can attend special courses, which are not that long as 4 to 6 years of studying at university, and after finishing them a person will immediately find a job.
Personally, I cannot agree with the opponents. It seems to me that one might want to get higher education and find a well-paid job after a the period of working on their first profession.
In conclusion, I would like to say that young people usually are not sure what they want to do in the future. Therefore, it is better to enter the university first and meet a great deal of people who will help the student to choose the future profession.
14 баллов
Nowadays almost all teenagers are provided with an opportunity to enter a university. While some people feel that earning a degree is crucial in our times, others believe that there are different ways to achieve success in life for the youth.
In my opinion, getting a university diploma is essential for anyone who can afford it. To start with, higher education broadens one’s mind as all applicants are going to learn various subjects and deal with complex ideas.
Furthermore
, a busy learning schedule requires students to be disciplined and
therefore
may be considered as a challenge for many of them.
On the other hand
, some people claim that higher education is too expensive for families with low incomes.
Therefore it
is not worth its price and the young should start working as soon as they can to earn enough money and experience.
Nonetheless
, I do not support
this
argument. The career opportunities provided by universities are tremendous.
Moreover
, educational loans and grants are available for
this
type of students.
All things considered, I feel that entering a university is a thing that cannot be replaced with working experience. Not only will the young people gain many useful skills, but
also
enrich their knowledge.
Submitted by Анна Василева on Sun Jul 19 2020
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- Paragraph 1 — Introduction
- Sentence 1 — Background statement
- Sentence 2 — Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 — Thesis
- Sentence 4 — Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 — First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 — Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 — Example
- Sentence 3 — Discussion
- Sentence 4 — Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 — Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 — Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 — Example
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- Sentence 2 — Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 — Prediction or recommendation
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Вчера пришли результаты ЕГЭ по английскому языку и сегодня я хочу поделиться эссе моей ученицы с этого экзамена. Давайте разберём, где она сделала ошибки, чтобы понять, как делать не надо, чтобы написать так, как надо писать на 14 баллов. Ну, вы меня поняли.
Все использованные в моих статьях сочинения приводятся с согласия авторов
Теорию про эссе на ЕГЭ можно почитать в этой статье, здесь же мы применим эти знания на практике.
Тема эссе: “University education is essential for young people”.
Вот скан её работы:
Разберём эссе по критериям.
Решение коммуникативной задачи
И начнем с самого важного. Потому что если получить 0 баллов за РКЗ, 0 поставят вообще за все задание 40.
В сочинении ученицы 215 слов, она вписалась в необходимое количество 200-250, заявленное в плане, поэтому можно проверять соответствие написанного теме.
Читаем введение. Помним, что там мы должны перефразировать заголовок темы и указать на существование двух противоположных точек зрения на проблему.
Видим перифраз с помощью синонимов: teenagers=adolescents, teens, education=studying, the most necessary thing=the most important thing. Присутствует указание на проблемность темы (the most important thing VS not the most necessary thing). Для полноты я бы, конечно, еще уточнила, что нас волнует именно university education. Но в целом с введением все ok, ставим “+”.
Второй абзац со своей точкой зрения и аргументами в её поддержку.
Мнение по проблеме присутствует (первое предложение абзаца), но выражено не корректно. Ученица заменяет university education на knowledges, что не совсем одно и то же. Присутствуют 2 аргумента в его поддержку: you will have perfect job + you will understand which profession is better for you. Логика в аргументах хромает, но это мы разберем в следующем разделе, где будем говорить о К2. За этот абзац я бы поставила “+/-“, потому что своё мнение по проблеме выражено не точно.
Третий абзац с противоположной точкой зрения.
С другой стороны, образование не самое важное для подростка. А что тогда самое важное? Ответ на этот вопрос не дан, вместо этого читаем утверждение, что образование можно получить и потом. За этот абзац я бы поставила “-“, потому что противоположное мнение вообще не раскрыто.
Четвертый абзац с контраргументами к этой точке зрения.
Здесь опровержение мысли, что образовываться нужно в другом возрасте, нежели в подростковом. Заявлено, что children запоминают все лучше взрослых, хотя young people из нашей темы – вообще не children, это другой возраст. Весь контраргумент скорее написан для сочинения “В каком возрасте лучше получать образование”, чем для нашей темы. Я бы поставила за этот абзац “-“.
Заключение с подтверждением авторской позиции.
Точка зрения, заявленная во втором параграфе, повторена. Для полного счастья я бы еще дописала “the most necessary issue IN LIFE” и уточнила еще раз, что мы писали именно про university education, чтобы вообще было не к чему придраться, но в целом заключение засчитывается. Ставлю “+”.
Итого, у нас 2 “+” за введение и заключение, 1 “+/-” за 2 абзац и 2 “-” за 3 и 4 абзацы. То есть, 1 аспект раскрыт не полностью, а 2 аспекта вообще не раскрыты.
По критерию РКЗ еще могут снять баллы за стилистические ошибки. Нарушений в стиле в эссе не увидела.
Заглянем в табличку с критериями оценивания, чтобы посчитать, сколько мы поставим за К1.
Если бы у нас был не раскрыт 1 аспект темы и 1 аспект раскрыт не точно, то мы бы поставили 1 балл за РКЗ. А при наших данных – 0 за К1 и, следовательно, 0 за всё эссе.
Но! Нам попались добрые эксперты, которые оценили сочинение вот так:
В левой колонке – полученные баллы, в правой – максимум.
Посылаю проверяющим свои поцелуи и пожелания добра и благополучия во всех жизненных сферах. За РКЗ ученице сняли всего один балл (скорее всего, за 3 параграф со странными аргументами “против”).
Продолжаем оценивать.
Организация текста
Читаем еще раз сочинение и смотрим, всё ли в нём логично.
Мне не понравились аргументы во втором абзаце:
На мой взгляд, мысли недораскрыты. “У тебя есть образование -> у тебя прекрасная работа -> тебе хватает денег на жизнь”. Как-то не сходится. Понятней было бы: “у тебя есть образование -> у тебя хорошо оплачиваемая работа -> тебе более чем хватает денег на жизнь”,. Второй аргумент тоже бы подкорректировала. Вместо “учишься -> понимаешь, какие предметы тебе не нравятся -> понимаешь, какую профессию стоит выбирать” лучше “учишься -> понимаешь, к чему у тебя лежит душа -> помогает выбрать правильную работу, которая будет приносить не только деньги, но и удовольствие.”
Больше ошибок в логике не нашла. Смотрим в критерии. Если в тексте есть 1-2 логические ошибки, то за ОТ снимается 1 балл.
Также по К2 могут наказать за неправильное или недостаточное использование средств логической связи. Средств логической связи в сочинении хватает, но есть ошибка в их использовании. В 4 параграфе я бы убрала for example, потому что это не столько пример, сколько полноценное утверждение.
Опять обращаемся к критериям. За 2 ошибки в логике + 1 ошибку в средствах связи снимается все тот же 1 балл.
Текст работы правильно разделен на абзацы (в делении на абзацы реально сложно накосячить), то есть больше минусовать не за что. За К2 я бы поставила 2 балла. Эксперт тут поставил максимум – 3.
Лексика, грамматика и пунктуация
Гребем к ошибкам по К3, К4, К5.
Лексика
Перечитываем эссе:
И вспоминаем, что относится к лексическим ошибкам:
- ошибки в неправильном употреблении слова в контексте (тут их нет)
- ошибки в сочетаемости (в нашем эссе – it will have a lot of time вместо it will TAKE a lot of time)
- пропуск слова, когда это не влияет на грамматическую структуру предложения (в нашем эссе – knowledges are the most valuable THING (пропущено в начале 2 абзаца)
- ошибки в словообразовании (нет)
- послелоги во фразовых глаголах (нет)
- ошибки в написании слов, которые меняют их значение (нет)
В сочинении 2 лексические ошибки (за них у нас будет -1 балл). Но, согласно критериям, оценку могут снизить и за маленький словарный запас.
Ограниченность словарного запаса показывают:
- повторы одних и тех же слов, отсутствие синонимов (в эссе это слова adults, information, understand и неправильно подобранный синоним к young people=children). Но в нашем сочинении есть и синонимы: adolescents=teenagers=teens; have education=be an educated person=education=studying; most important=most valuable=most necessary; thing=issue
- отсутствие антонимов (нашла 1 антоним к подросткам в контексте нашей темы – adults)
- некорректное употребление слова (в эссе – upgrade of your mind is happening)
Смотрим критерии:
С лексикой в принципе все не так уж и плохо. Да, есть 2 лексические ошибки, что-то не перефразировано, но к большинству слов подобраны синонимы и даже есть один антоним.
Снимаем 1 балл за К3. Эксперт также снял 1 балл по этому критерию.
Грамматика
В эссе нашла следующие грамматические ошибки:
- число (knowledges are, the other ages)
- артикли (if you are educated person, you will have perfect job, when you are the teen, in the other ages)
- неправильный модальный глагол (you must not have education when you are the teen)
- неправильное время (when you are studying …)
Повторяющиеся ошибки не считаем, то есть всего имеем 4 грамматические ошибки.
Баллы по К4 также могут снять за несоответствие грамматических средств заявленному высокому уровню сочинения. Ограниченность грамматических средств показывают:
- повторы одних и тех же конструкций
- использование только простых коротких предложений
- отсутствие распространенных предложений
- некорректное использование грамматических средств
В сочинении много сложных предложений, есть условное предложение, модальные глаголы, сравнительная степень, пассивный залог. Так что за несоответствие снимать баллы не стала.
Итого, заглянув в таблицу с критериями, я бы заминусовала 1 балл за К4. А эксперт снял 2 балла за этот критерий. Уважаемые читатели, если вы найдете какие-то еще грамматические ошибки, которые не нашла я – отпишитесь, пожалуйста, в комментариях.
Орфография и пунктуация
По этому критерию заметила только неправильное написание can not (должно быть cannot).
За 1 ошибку балл не снижают, поэтому за К5 максимум – 2 балла.
Выводы
| Критерии | Мои баллы | Баллы экспертов | Максимум |
| РКЗ | 0 | 2 | 3 |
| ОТ | 2 | 3 | 3 |
| Лексика | 2 | 2 | 3 |
| Грамматика | 2 | 1 | 3 |
| Орфография и пунктуация | 2 | 2 | 2 |
| Общий балл | 0 | 10 | 14 |
За это эссе я бы поставила 0 баллов, а эксперты после проверки выставили 10 баллов. Что подтверждает человечность экспертов и их желание не портить ребенку балл за экзамен. За что им большое спасибо!
PS Если вы не согласны с моим разбором, или нашли какие-то ошибки, которые я не заметила – обязательно об этом напишите в комментариях!
И, если вы также хотите научиться оценивать эссе и, самое главное – научить своих учеников писать его на максимум – советую приобрести вот эту книгу по эссе.
ELTgram от Ирины Кузнецовой
Обновлено: 31.03.2023
Some people think that to get a good education one should go abroad.
It is wrong to make pupils read a lot in summer.
Exams motivate students to study harder.
Distance learning is the best form of education.
A computer cannot replace a teacher.
Education is the most valuable thing for a teenager.
University education is essential for young people.
Family, friends, social skills
Some people think that you can have only one true friend.
Virtual Internet communication results in losing real-life social skills.
The best time is that spent with family and friends.
Friendship is the greatest gift of life.
One cannot make real friends online.
Jobs, career
Some people think that young people should follow in their parents footsteps when choosing a profession.
There are no men’s or women’s professions.
Everybody would like to work from home.
An early choice of a career path is the key to success.
Robots will soon replace people in all jobs.
An interesting job is more valuable than a high salary.
Nowadays natural sciences are more important than humanities.
Science is the first thing to be financed in the modern world.
Foreign languages
Some people think that learning foreign languages is a waste of time and money.
A person who is fluent in a foreign language can easily work as an interpreter.
A person who is fluent in a foreign language can easily teach it.
Computers, Internet
Internet is the greatest time-waster.
Computers cannot replace people.
The Internet is the biggest evil of our time.
A pupil cannot study effectively without a computer.
It is easy to live without the Internet.
Digital literacy is the key to success in any occupation.
With the Internet we no longer need TV.
Health, sports
Some people think that extreme sports help to build character.
Fast food outlets should be closed.
Sports help people to fight stress.
Sport unites people.
Playing sports is better than watching others do it.
Doing sports is essential for young people.
Travelling, holidays
The best holidays and festivals are those with specific traditions for celebrating.
Travelling in your own country is the best way to learn about it.
One should read about historical sites before sightseeing.
Miscellaneous
In any occupation discipline is more important than talent.
Public libraries are becoming less popular and they will soon disappear.
Every city and every town should have a zoo.
It is the government’s responsibility to protect the environment.
It’s not right to be strict with little children.
Space exploration was the greatest achievement of the 20th century.
Clothes people are wearing can influence their behaviour.
There are more disadvantages than advantages in living in a big city.
Show me your room and I will tell you who you are.
Volunteering is essential for teenagers.
Клековкина Е., Манн
М., Тейлор-Ноулз С.
Comment on the following statement:
What is your opinion? Do you agree with this statement?
Write 200-250 words.
Use the following plan:
— make an introduction (state the problem)
— express your personal opinion and give 2-3 reasons for your opinion
— express an opposing opinion and give 1-2 reasons for this opposing opinion
— explain why you don’t agree with the opposing opinion
— make a conclusion restating your position
КОНСПЕКТ ИДЕЙ (СОЧИНЕНИЯ ЕГЭ)
БАНК ИДЕЙ ЭССЕ ЕГЭ
Some people think that university is the place to go after school, whereas others feel it is not for them.
I think that it is very important to go to university after school. First of all , the knowledge one could obtain there can help him or her to get a good job in the future. It helps one get a better understanding of how things work in life and society. Secondly , some of the best friendships start at universities. Some people meet their future husbands and wives there. Oftentimes , as people get older they think of their university years as the best times of their life .
At the same time , there are people who do not believe they are cut out for university. Some of them just can not get there because of their poor performance at school. Others already know what they want to do in life and they do not believe they need university for it.
Well , even though it is great to know what a person wants to do early in life, things may not work out the way he or she plans, and having a university degree would give them more options and a Plan-B. I truly believe everyone could get to university if they really set their mind to it . People should not give up so easily.
In conclusion , I would like to say that one can have a good and happy life regardless of whether they go to university or not. However , I strongly believe that having a university degree might make their lives much easier and interesting. Thus , I am sure that a person should have a higher education whenever possible.
or
In conclusion , I would like to say that there are opposing views on this issue. At first sight going to university is a big waste of time and money but in actual fact studying in university gives students a lot of opportunities for getting good jobs. Thus , I strongly believe that attending university is worth doing.
Задания Д40 C2 № 4544
Выберите только ОДНО из двух предложенных высказываний и выразите своё мнение по предложенной проблеме согласно данному плану.
Comment on one of the following statements.
1. Doing sports is essential for young people.
2. Travelling in your own country is the best way to learn about it.
What is your opinion? Do you agree with this statement? Write 200–250 words. Use the following plan:
− make an introduction (state the problem)
− express your personal opinion and give 2–3 reasons for your opinion
− express an opposing opinion and give 1–2 reasons for this opposing opinion
− explain why you don’t agree with the opposing opinion
− make a conclusion restating your position
Getting to know your own country is an important thing to do for a true patriot. Some say it is done best by travelling around it, others argue there are better ways.
I tend to agree with the former since I am a keen traveller and have experienced that firsthand. You can learn the history of your land from books, memorize images from maps and photos, but it is the people, I believe, that define the country as well as, if not more than the landmarks. Thus, I think, travelling and communicating with people in different places within your country is essential for truly learning about it. Aside from the population, every place has its own atmosphere which can only be felt, but not described.
Some people, however, argue that the facts and numbers are the only thing worth learning about your country. It matters the most, they say, since it is the academic knowledge in its purest form.
The reason I cannot agree with this is quite simple. We are not some data, we are human beings. We live in a society of other human beings. A large, if not the largest part of it is defined by us and by our feelings, and so they are not negligible. The facts, however, can be learned at any desired time and often come by themselves as you are communicating with local people.
Thus, I believe that travelling around your country is the best way to truly learn about it.
Задания Д40 C2 № 4770
Выберите только ОДНО из двух предложенных высказываний и выразите своё мнение по предложенной проблеме согласно данному плану.
Comment on one of the following statements.
1. Education is the most valuable thing for a teenager.
2. Robots will soon replace people in all jobs.
What is your opinion? Do you agree with this statement? Write 200–250 words. Use the following plan:
− make an introduction (state the problem)
− express your personal opinion and give 2–3 reasons for your opinion
− express an opposing opinion and give 1–2 reasons for this opposing opinion
− explain why you don’t agree with the opposing opinion
− make a conclusion restating your position
Education has always been a sensitive issue. Nowadays some people say it is the most important thing for teenagers, others consider it less important.
I tend to agree with people who consider it to be the most valuable thing. Firstly, there is no doubt education is important and must be financed and valued. A lot of teenagers strongly believe that education is essential. Studying helps us develop and master our skills, which are extremely useful in modern life. Various subjects are responsible for different areas. ICT and Maths help to develop planning skills, concentration and self-discipline. The humanities make teenagers more creative, work on critical thinking and elocution. All in all, if people study hard it can broaden their minds. Secondly, becoming a specialist is a key to success, as people with any kind of degree are more successful in the job market than people who did not study at university. It is a well-known fact that all well-paid jobs require higher education.
However, some people think education is not the most valuable thing for teens because other priorities require a lot of time and efforts to be invested in. They say that teenagers should have their hobbies and go out with their friends. Young people cannot spend the whole day studying hard. Teenagers are young and free, so they should enjoy their adolescence.
Still, I cannot agree with those people who say that it is really important to enjoy this wonderful period of life without worrying about studies. I strongly believe that teenagers should prioritize and understand that they need to do their best in studies to become successful people in the future.
To wrap it up, I think it is safe to say that education is the top priority for teenagers when it comes to the issue of their future career because it allows to get a well-paid job and have a happy lifestyle.
Задание выполнено в основном:
но 1—2 аспекта содержания, указанные в задании, раскрыты не полностью или неточно; стилевое оформление речи в основном правильно (допускается 2—3 нарушения нейтрального стиля)2
Задание выполнено не полностью:
в содержании не раскрыты 1−2 аспекта, ИЛИ 3−4 аспекта содержания раскрыты неполно или неточно, ИЛИ 1 аспект не раскрыт, и 1–2 аспекта содержания раскрыты неполно или неточно; имеются ошибки в стилевом оформлении речи (допускается 4 нарушения нейтрального стиля)1
Источник: Демонстрационная версия ЕГЭ—2020 по английскому языку., Демонстрационная версия ЕГЭ—2021 по английскому языку.
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1 page, 415 words
Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have different views about university education. Some believe that it is very beneficial for the nation if majority of the youngsters go for higher education. However, others opine that they should go in for some vocational training to start earning soon. This essay shall discuss both views before reaching a conclusion.
The option to start work straight after school seems attractive to some for several reasons. Many young people want to start earning money as soon as possible. In this way, they can become independent, and they will be able to afford their own house or start a family. In terms of their career, young people who decide to find work, rather than continue their studies, may progress more quickly. They will have the chance to gain real experience and learn practical skills related to their chosen profession. This may lead to promotions and a successful career.
On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies. Firstly, academic qualifications are required in many professions. For example, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without having the relevant degree. Another advantage of graduating from a university is that it gives you more choices when it comes to choosing a job. Most employers will be more impressed by a candidate who has a degree than they would be by one who only has high school qualifications because it shows a certain level of intelligence and education, as well as the commitment and self-discipline that is needed in order to study a degree course for three or four years. University graduates also tend to earn higher salaries than those with fewer qualifications.
1 page, 488 words
The Essay on A University Education Is Not Essential for Success’
In a general point of view, university education is necessary for success and that is why parents nowadays would ask their children to finish their Bachelor degree as a minimum request. They think that university education is an essential element for success. However, I do not think that that is true at all. University education is only one of the keys for success but not the only key to achieve …
Furthermore, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive, and sometimes there are hundreds of applicants for one position in a company. Young people who do not have qualifications from a university or college will not be able to compete. What is more those who work in the construction work or as car mechanics will always have to work under those who have civil and mechanical engineering degrees.
For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they continue their studies beyond school level.
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hi! I need help with my essay. PLEASE!
Here is the topic.
Some people think that to have a successful life you have to have university education, while others think it’s not that important. Discuss both views and give your opinion based on personal experience and knowledge.
It is not uncommon for some youngsters to give up on university education due to either their preference to work or their incapability of affording the tuition of higher education. It is my view that young people should be encouraged to attend university if possible.
The benefits that college education can yield for the young are truly overwhelming. The most significant one is that college students are able to acquire theoretical knowledge through taking a variety of lectures, which enables them to get a basic perspective of everything in life. This will be very helpful to youngsters’ future life. Also, the campus life is generally regarded as a precious part of a person’s life because college students develop maturity, independence and important abilities in university. Besides, young people can obtain degree or certificate after graduating from the college, which makes them more competitive in the modern society where the competition is increasingly stiff.
On the other hand, some individuals argue that people can succeed even without university education. It is true that there exist some successful people who have not attended university or drop out of college. This can be best illustrated with the example of the great businessman Bill Gates, who, though dropping out of Harvard, has ever become the wealthiest person in the world. However, not everyone can become another bill gates. As an ordinary person, we would be well-advised to attend university to gain knowledge and skills as well as the degree and certificate that are still very essential for us to get a good job.
My view is that university education is necessary to the young. I think it would be a great loss for us to miss the campus life. Therefore, young people who can afford to attend college should cherish this precious opportunity.